D-*-N-G-U-* F-*-V-*-R

OK kids, time to buy a vowel. May I recommend the "E"? That's right, I've got a tropical disease to call my very own. Sweet, sweet dengue fever.

When I first came down with a headache last week, I attributed it to heat exhaustion, which I've already had once here in Cambodia (that's a whole other fun story). So I did what you're supposed to do for heat exhaustion, which is drink enough water to drown a horse. But later that night, as I shivered in my bed while wearing my muu-muu, 2 sarongs, a t-shirt, and a long-sleeved shirt in 78-degree weather, I began to suspect that heat exhaustion was not the culprit.

Despite my pounding head, aching body, queasy stomach, and high fever, I climbed into a car bound for Phnom Penh the next day. The doctors did some blood testing, even though it's nearly impossible to tell anything by Day 2 of a fever, especially as malaria, typhoid, and dengue look very similar. What we did figure out was that I didn't have malaria, which is alleged to be even worse than dengue (how anything could be worse, I shudder to imagine).

This situation has continued for the past six days. The only new development was a stomach that bucked and promised to relieve itself of its contents at the sight, smell, or mention of food. Only yesterday were the doctors able to confirm that I do, indeed, have dengue.

All this medical turmoil means I have gotten to have some new experiences: I'd never been hooked up to an IV before, and now I've been stuck to two! Also, I'd never had an ultrasound before, but they decided to test me for an enlarged spleen and liver (?), so now I know what pregnant women the world over go through (and damn, is that gel cold).

Now I'm in the "full-body rash" part of the disease. Which everyone assures me means that I'm on the road to recovery. It had better, because I can suffer no more indignities. The Peace Corps doctor is constantly demanding urine samples and threatening to MedEvac me to Bangkok if I don't eat more. The worst part is that my Khmer friends keep texting me and asking if I've eaten rice porridge yet, as they seem to think this will be very helpful. Even on good days, rice porridge isn't all that appealing. But when your fever's running at a good 102, the last thing you want to put in your stomach is hot rice soup. I have to delete these messages right away, lest the idea of the rice porridge causes my stomach to revolt.

So here's my hard-earned advice, and it shouldn't be too hard to follow if you live in the US (except the South): don't get dengue. It's a miserable, horrible disease. I can't imagine how rural Cambodian children survive this without air conditioning and the relatively modern medical care available in Phnom Penh (there are no hospitals up to Western standard here but there are some Western-standard clinics). I know many Cambodian children suffer through it at home and go to local clinics only to get an IV when their symptoms get very bad.

There is a serious dengue epidemic throughout Southeast Asia this year, in Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Cambodia. Because dengue mosquitoes are day biters, mosquito nets are of no use in fighting the disease. No vaccine has been developed yet. Dengue is here, and it's hard to avoid.

LEST THIS DISCOURAGE ANYONE FROM VISITING ME, however, let me remind you that I was here for 6 months before contracting it. And if you visit in the dry season (November to April), there aren't as many mosquitoes and your chances of catching anything go down. Also, the good news is, dengue doesn't kill you. I'm sitting here typing, and all it took was 6 days of my best blanket impression.